Reading the Books: The Sarcastic Harry Version
by Pleasent Sea Nights
Summary: Harry Potter is having books read about him in the great hall. Who okayed the reading Umbridge. Also Harry hasn't been seen talking with the rest of the Golden Trio! He had been seen with George and Fred instead. What is up with that. AU story. Slash.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Rated M, for child abuse and other things that will be told later on in the story

This is a major AU story, so don't flame me if you don't like what I write.

I do not own Harry Potter in any shape, form, or fashion.

Professor Umbridge, High Inquisitor of Hogwarts, was plotting. She was thinking of ways to prove that Potter boy was a liar. But she couldn't think of anything to prove to the public that he was just an attention seeking brat. She had thought about Virtarserum (?) but immediately put that out of question. That fool, Albus Dumbledore would never let her come into 20 feet of a bottle of that stuff.

Suddenly a bright blue light appeared on her desk. She covered her eyes. When the light died down, and she stopped seeing black spots in her vision, there was a letter and seven books on her desk. The Professor cautiously picked up on book and looked at the title.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

She quickly picked up the letter and read it.

Dear Madam Umbridge,

We know how you long to expose Harold James Evan Potter's secrets. These books will show you all of his seven years at Hogwarts. Invite the Minister of Magic, some Aurors, ministry officials, and basically anyone you wish. The order of the books is Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Read these books in front of all of Hogwarts students and staff in the Great Hall. Give our love to Harry,

Fate and Destiny

'_I have got you now boy, I got you know,'_ Umbridge thought and made an announcement over the magical intercom.

Harry was sitting on his bed in his dormitory, talking to Fred and George, when the announcement came over the school intercom.

"All students and staff members are to come to the Great Hall immediately. All students and staff are to come to the Great Hall immediately."

"Wonder what old toad face wants?" Harry said.

"Whatever it is I hope it doesn't have to do with us," the twins said in unison. But as soon as they said that they felt a feeling of dread settle in their stomachs. They slowly made their way to the Great Hall with the rest of the student body. Soon all the students were seated and Professor Umbridge made her way to the front of the Great Hall.

"_Hem, hem,_"

Everyone stopped chattering and looked at the Professor.

"Today, I received a letter and seven books, which are to be read in front of the whole student body along with all staff members," cue the groans from all students and staff, "from someone named Fate."

Everyone started to talk. Getting something from Fate was a big deal. No one noticed that Harry, Fred, and George exchanged looks, all thinking the same thing,

'_Oh shit.'_

"_Hem, hem._ These books are told from the view of one of the students siting in this room. Now let's start on hearing the lies of Harry Potter."

Everyone turned to look at Harry and was met with an odd sight that a lot of them had never seen before. Fred and George Weasly looking downright serious, while talking quietly with Harry, who had frozen stiff and had his magic trying to escape. No one protested about reading about Harry's life though. Not even his 'supposed' friends. They were all curious to why Harry had stopped talking to him.

"**Chapter 1: The Boy Who Lived" **began Professor Umbridge. Everyone immediately looked to Harry again. He ignored them and Umbridge continued reading while everyone listened with rapt attention.

"**Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, were proud to say they were perfectly normal, thank you very much."**

Harry and the twins busted out laughing.

"Dursley's normal-"Harry said.

"That is-"Fred said.

"The day that-"George said.

"The world ends!" They all three finished together. People looked at them weirdly and the Gryffindor students sitting close to them scooted down.

"**They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange, **_**freakish**_**, or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense.**

**Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called Gunning's, which made drills. He was a big beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a large mustache."**

"So, Harry, our-"Fred began.

"Little brother in all but blood-"George said.

"Is that why you call him what you call him when nobody is around?" The twins finished in unison, making people wonder how they did that.

"No," the twins started to sputter, "I tell it to his face."

Fred and George busted out laughing.

**Mrs. Dursley was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck, which came in very useful as she spent so much of her time craning over garden fences.**

Harry, Fred, and George began coughing under their breath, saying something suspiciously sounding like 'horse.'

McGonagall, having enough, shouted,

" IF YOU THREE DON'T START BEING QUIET I WILL PUT YOU IN TWO MONTHS DETENTION AND PUT A SLIENCING CHARM ON ALL OF YOU!"

The trio wisely didn't say anything.

**The Dursley's had a small son named Dudley and in their opinion there was no finer boy anywhere.**

A choking noise came over from the end of the Gryffindor table where Harry, Fred and George sat. Everyone looked around and saw Fred and George putting their hands over Harry's mouth, while Harry tried to not break out into laughter.

**The Dursley's had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret, and their greatest fear was that somebody would discover it. They didn't think they could bear it if anybody found out about the Potters. Mrs. Potter was Mrs. Dursley's sister, but they hadn't met for several years; in fact, Mrs. Dursley pretended she didn't have a sister, because her sister and her good for nothing husband**

Some growls were heard throughout the room, especially from the Gryffindor and staff tables.

**Were as unDursleyish**

"Not a word," Professor Flitwick muttered.

**As it was possible to be. The Dursleys shuddered to think what the neighbors would say if the Potters arrived on the street.**

Surprisingly, instead of any Gryffindor making a comment, or even a Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, Draco Malfoy from Slytherin, said "Well normal people would say hello, but then again I have a feeling that these aren't normal people."

People looked at him in surprise.

**The Dursleys knew that the Potters had a small son, too, but they had never seen him. This boy was another good reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn't want Dudley mixing with a **_**freakish, abnormal**_** child like that.**

"What do they mean by a freakish, abnormal child, Mr. Potter?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"Well, they don't like magic and they call it freakish and abnormal." Harry said, but didn't say any more like people thought he would.

**When Mr. and Mrs. Dursley woke up on the dull, gray Tuesday our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange things would soon be happening all over the country. Mr. Dursley hummed as he picked out his most boring tie for work,**

Fred and George looked scandalized.

**And Mrs. Dursley gossiped away happily as she wrestled a screaming Dudley into his high chair.**

Some of the adults in the room look disgusted.

**None of them noticed a large, tawny owl flutter past the window. At half past eight, Mr. Dursley picked up his briefcase, pecked Mrs. Dursley on the cheek, and tried to kiss Dudley good-bye but missed, because Dudley was now having a tantrum and throwing cereal at the walls.**

"Hasn't changed much over the years, has he?" Harry said to Fred and George. Fortunately, McGonagall didn't hear them or would have silenced them.

"**Little tyke," chortled Mr. Dursley as he left the house. He got into his car and backed out of number four's drive. It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of something peculiar- a cat reading a map.**

"MINNIE!" Fred, George, and Harry shouted, making more than few people jump.

"THAT IS IT! ONE MORE WORD AND YOU WILL BE SLIENCED AND HAVE DETENTION FOR TWO MONTHS!"

The staff and students, except for the Ministry workers and a few Slytherins, watched, amused, as the twins and Harry started making exaggerating motions since they couldn't talk.

**For a second, Mr. Dursley didn't realize what he had seen- then he jerked his head around to look again. There was a tabby cat standing on the corner of Privet Drive, but there wasn't a map in sight. What could he have been thinking of?**

"Ummm… a cat reading a map?" A brave first year Hufflepuff said.

**It must have been a trick of the light.**

"No it wasn't."

**Mr. Dursley blinked and stared at the cat. It stared back. As Mr. Dursley drove around the corner and up the road, he watched the cat in his mirror. It was now reading the sign that said Privet Drive- no, looking at the sign; cats couldn't read maps or signs.**

"Hey, Fred and George, I know Minnie's weakness now," Harry told the twins quietly, so the cat- professor couldn't hear them.

"What?" they whispered back.

"She can't read maps or signs, so we put her up to, like, a treasure hunt or something. Then she has to go around the school, reading a map, to find our homework. But since she can't read maps, she wouldn't be able to find it."

**Mr. Dursley gave himself a little shake and put the cat out of his mind. As he drove toward town he thought of nothing except a large order of drills he was hoping to get that day. **.

**But on the edge of town, drills were driven out if his mind by something else. As he sat in the usual morning traffic jam, he couldn't help noticing that there seemed to be a lot of strangely dressed** **people about. People in cloaks.**

"And just what is wrong with cloaks?" a Slytherin asked.

"Well Muggles don't wear cloaks." A muggleborn from Ravenclaw explained.

**Mr. Dursley couldn't bear people who dressed in funny clothes-**

"Says the person who picks out their most boring tie for work."

**The getups you saw in young people**! **He supposed this was some stupid new fashion**. **He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and his eyes fell on a huddle of these weirdoes standing quite close by.**

"He is calling us weirdoes?" Colin Creevy said, while Fred, George, and Harry made motions that tried to explain what they were saying, since they didn't want to get silenced. The three gave him a beaming smile.

**They were whispering excitedly together. Mr. Dursley was enraged to see that a couple of them weren't young at all; why, that man had to be older than he was, and wearing an emerald green cloak.**

**The nerve of him! But then it struck Mr. Dursley that this was probably some silly stunt- these people were obviously collecting something….**

"Collecting something?" someone said deadpanned. There was some giggling throughout the hall.

**Yes that would be it. The traffic moved on and a few minutes later, Mr. Dursley arrived in Grunnings parking lot, his mind on drills.**

"One track mind much?" a Gryffindor whispered to his friend, who agreed.

**Mr. Dursley always at with his back to the window in his office on the ninth floor. If he hadn't, he might have found it harder to concentrate on drills that morning. He didn't see the owls swooping past in broad daylight, though people down in the street did; they pointed and gazed open mouthed as owl after owl sped overhead. Most of them had never seen an owl even at night time.**

**Mr. Dursley, however, had a perfectly normal, owl-free morning. He yelled at five different people. He made several important telephone calls and shouted a bit more. He was in a very good mood until lunchtime, when he thought he'd stretch his legs,**

"HE THOUGHT HE WOULD DO WHAT?" Harry yelled. Fred and George looked shocked.

"Mr. Potter, would you like to get a silencing charm?" Professor Vector asked, watching the Deputy Headmistress fume in her seat because of the urge to silence him.

"Well, it's really simple. If I did get a silencing charm put on me, I would just use the really complex force to get it off." McGonagall let out an angry hiss.

"And what exactly is this _force_, Mr. Potter?"

"Magic."

"Potter, detention for a month."

"But-"

"Two months."

They would have continued reading but Fred and George cut in.

"Is it just me or-"One of them began.

"Or does Umbridge look a little out of it?" the other finished.

Everyone looked to Umbridge. She did look a little out of it. But nobody really cared much to do anything.

**And walk across the road,**

Fred, Harry, and George whimpered.

**To buy himself a bun from the bakery.**

The trio let put a sigh of relief, earning a lot of confused looks. Or in Hermione and Ron's case angry looks. They were the ones that Harry was supposed to do that with, not the twins.

**He'd forgotten all about the people in cloaks until he passed a group of them, clutching a large doughnut in a bag, that he caught a few words of what they were saying.**

**"The Potters, that's right-"**

"**That's what I heard-"**

"**Yes, their son, Harry.**

**Mr. Dursley stopped dead.**

"YES!" The newly dubbed trio yelled.

**Fear flooded him. He looked back at the whisperers as if he wanted to say something to them, but thought better of dashed back across the road, hurried up to his office, snapped at his secretary not to disturb him, and seized his telephone,**

"Telephone?" a young Slytherin mouthed to her sister.

"I don't know," she responded back.

**and had almost finished dialing his home number when he changed his mind. He put the receiver back down and stroked his mustache, thinking... no, he was being stupid.**

"Oh my Merlin," Harry whispered but everyone heard him. " He finally admitted it, Forge and Gred."

Harry got some looks pointed his way. They were clearly telling him to be quiet.

**Potter wasn't such an unusual name. He was sure there were lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry. Come to think of it, he wasn't even sure his nephew was called Harry. He'd never even seen the boy. It might have been Harvey. Or Harold.**

"He didn't even know your name?" McGonagall questioned.

Harry scratched the back of his neck.

"Well, he kind of still doesn't. But he did at least get it right, kind of anyways."

"What do you mean, Harry?" Neville asked.

"Well, my full name is Harold James Evan Potter."

"Oh."

**There was no point in worrying Mrs. Dursley; she always got so upset at any mention of her sister. He didn't blame her - if he'd had a sister like that...**

Harry huffed.

**but all the same, those people in cloaks...He found it a lot harder to concentrate on drills that afternoon and when he left the building at five o'clock, he was still so worried that he walked straight into someone just outside the door.**

" Hope he went to the poor man's funeral," Harry stated. Again, he got some _looks_ sent his way.

**"Sorry," he grunted, as the tiny old man stumbled and almost fell. It was a few seconds before Mr. Dursley realized that the man was wearing a violet cloak. He didn't seem at all upset at being almost knocked to the ground. On the contrary, his face split into a wide smile and he said in a squeaky voice that made passersby's stare,**

**"Don't be sorry, my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today! Rejoice, for You-Know-Who has gone at last! Even Muggles like yourself should be celebrating, this happy, happy day!" And the old man hugged Mr. Dursley around the middle and walked off.**

"Professor Flitwick, was that you?" A young Ravenclaw asked her professor.

" Yes, Miss. Rhineheart that was me."

" Professor Flitwick," the said professor turned to Harry who had addressed him, "how in Merlin's name did your arms fit?"

"Mr. Potter, the book is wrong. They didn't even fit halfway."

**Mr. Dursley stood rooted to the spot. He had been hugged by a complete stranger. He also thought he had been called a Muggle, whatever that was.**

"A non-magic person."

**He was rattled. He hurried to his car and set off for home, hoping he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn't approve of imagination.**

Fred, George, and Harry fainted. The students and staff looked a little relieved. Maybe they could get this book done before next year.

**As he pulled into the driveway of number four, the first thing he saw - and it didn't improve his mood - was the tabby cat he'd spotted that morning. It was now sitting on his garden wall. He was sure it was the same one; it had the same markings around its eyes.**

Everyone thought about what Harry, Fred and George said. Maybe it was McGonagall.

**"Shoo!" said Mr. Dursley loudly. The cat didn't move. It just gave him a stern look.**

Everyone looked to the passed out trio, glad they weren't awake. Because if they were, they wouldn't get to reading for at least another ten minutes.

**Was this normal cat behavior?**

"No."

**Mr. Dursley wondered. Trying to pull himself together, he let himself into the house. He was still determined not to mention anything to his wife.**

**Mrs. Dursley had had a nice, normal day. She told him over dinner all about Mrs. Next Door's problems with her daughter and how Dudley had learned a new word ("Won't!").**

"Such an accomplishment," someone commented.

**Mr. Dursley tried to act normally. When Dudley had been put to bed, he went into the living room in time to catch the last report on the evening news:**

**"And finally, bird-watchers everywhere have reported that the nation's owls have been behaving very unusually today. Although owls normally hunt at night and are hardly ever seen in daylight, there have been hundreds of sightings of these birds flying in every direction since sunrise. Experts are unable to explain why the owls have suddenly changed their sleeping pattern." The newscaster allowed himself a grin.**

**"Most mysterious. And now, over to Jim McGuffin with the weather. Going to be any more showers of owls tonight, Jim."**

"THEY CALL THAT A JOKE?" The hall turned to a now awake trio.

"Mr. Potter, 's, please be quiet we are trying to read a book," Snape said, in his low, dangerous voice.

**"Well, Ted," said the weatherman, "I don't know about that, but it's not only the owls that have been acting oddly today. Viewers as far apart as Kent, Yorkshire, and Dundee have been phoning in to tell me that instead of the rain I promised yesterday, they've had a downpour of shooting stars! Perhaps people have been celebrating Bonfire Night early - it's not until next week, folks! But I can promise a wet night tonight." Mr. Dursley sat frozen in his armchair. Shooting stars all over Britain.**

"Is this the day You-Know-Who was defeated, Professor Dumbledore?" A fourth year Ravenclaw asked the professor quietly.

"Yes, Miss. Howard, I believe it is."

**Owls flying by daylight. Mysterious people in cloaks all over the place.**

**And a whisper, a whisper about the Potters...**

**Mrs. Dursley came into the living room carrying two cups of tea. It was no good. He'd have to say something to her. He cleared his throat nervously. "Er - Petunia, dear - you haven't heard from your sister lately, have you."**

**As he had expected, Mrs. Dursley looked shocked and angry. After all, they normally pretended she didn't have a sister.**

**"No," she said sharply. "Why."**

**"Funny stuff on the news," Mr. Dursley mumbled. "Owls... shooting stars... and there were a lot of funny-looking people in town today..."**

**"So." snapped Mrs. Dursley.**

**""Well, I just thought... maybe... it was something to do with... you know... her crowd."**

"What does he mean by her crowd?" McGonagall asked. No one had an answer for her though. Harry stayed silent.

**Mrs. Dursley sipped her tea through pursed lips. Mr. Dursley wondered whether he dared tell her he'd heard the name "Potter." He decided he didn't dare. Instead he said, as casually as he could, "Their son - he'd be about Dudley's age now, wouldn't he."**

**"I suppose so," said Mrs. Dursley stiffly.**

**"What's his name again. Howard, isn't it."**

**"Harry. Nasty, common name, if you ask me."**

**"Oh, yes," said Mr. Dursley, his heart sinking horribly. "Yes, I quite agree." He didn't say another word on the subject as they went upstairs to bed.**

"AH! THE IMAGES!" Fred and George shouted, scaring the whole hall, except for Harry. Whose face turned into a look of horror.

"Forge, Gred, I could have gone my whole life without seeing those images."

"Sorry," the two mumbled.

**While Mrs. Dursley was in the bathroom, Mr. Dursley crept to the bedroom window and peered down into the front garden. The cat was still there.**

**It was staring down Privet Drive as though it were waiting for something.**

**Was he imagining things?**

" I thought he didn't approve of imagination, Harry," Luna Lovegood said.

"Well, my uncle has always been the oddest thing around." Was the answering reply she got back.

**Could all this have anything to do with the Potters? If it did... if it got out that they were related to a pair of - well, he didn't think he could bear it.**

**The Dursleys got into bed. Mrs. Dursley fell asleep quickly but Mr. Dursley lay awake, turning it all over in his mind. His last, comforting thought before he fell asleep was that even if the Potters were involved, there was no reason for them to come near him and Mrs. Dursley. The "Potters knew very well what he and Petunia thought about them and their kind... He couldn't see how he and Petunia could get mixed up in anything that might be going on - he yawned and turned over - it couldn't affect them...**

**How very wrong he was.**

" For once I wish he was right," Harry said sadly. That got some startling looks exchanged at the teachers table.

**Mr. Dursley might have been drifting into an uneasy sleep, but the cat on the wall outside was showing no sign of sleepiness. It was sitting as still as a statue, its eyes fixed unblinkingly on the far corner of Privet Drive. It didn't so much as quiver when a car door slammed on the next street, nor when two owls swooped overhead. In fact, it was nearly midnight before the cat moved at all.**

"Minnie, how did you stay still that long?' Harry asked his favorite teacher.

" Patience, Mr. Potter. And don't call me Minnie." McGonagall answered.

**A man appeared on the corner the cat had been watching, appeared so suddenly and silently you'd have thought he'd just popped out of the ground. The cat's tail twitched and its eyes narrowed.**

**Nothing like this man had ever been seen on Privet Drive. He was tall, thin, and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were both long enough to tuck into his belt. He was wearing long robes, a purple cloak that swept the ground, and high-heeled, buckled boots.**

" Nice outfit, Professor," a young Hufflepuff said.

" Thank you. It is rather one of my favorite ones."

**His blue eyes were light, bright, and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his nose was very long and crooked, as though it had been broken at least twice.**

**This man's name was Albus Dumbledore.**

**Albus Dumbledore did not seem to realize that he had just arrived in a street where everything from his name to his boots was unwelcome.**

" Oh, I realized it all right."

**He was busy rummaging in his cloak, looking for something. However, he did seem to realize he was being watched, because he looked up suddenly at the cat, which was still staring at him from the other end of the street. For some reason, the sight of the cat seemed to amuse him. He chuckled and muttered,**

**"I should have known."**

**He found what he was looking for in his inside pocket. It seemed to be a silver cigarette lighter.**

**He flicked it open, held it up in the air, and clicked it.**

**The nearest street lamp went out with a little pop. He clicked it again - the next lamp flickered into darkness.**

" Cool lighter, Professor."

**Twelve times he clicked the Put-Outer, until the only lights left on the whole street were two tiny pinpricks in the distance, which were the eyes of the cat watching him. If anyone looked out of their window now, even beady-eyed Mrs. Dursley, they wouldn't be able to see anything that was happening down on the pavement. Dumbledore slipped the Put-Outer back inside his cloak and set off down the street toward number four, where he sat down on the wall next to the cat. He didn't look at it, but after a moment he spoke to it.**

**"Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall."**

" HA! It was Minnie!" The trio (**Remember for now on I am going to refer to Fred, George and Harry as the trio.)** yelled in freaky unison.

" POTTER, WEASLYS!"

**He turned to smile at the tabby, but it had gone. Instead, he was smiling at a rather severe-looking woman who was wearing square glasses exactly the shape of the markings the cat had had around its eyes. She, too, was wearing a cloak, an emerald one. Her black hair was drawn into a tight bun. She looked distinctly ruffled.**

**"How did you know it was me?" she asked.**

**"My dear Professor, I 've never seen a cat sit so stiffly."**

**"You'd be stiff if you'd been sitting on a brick wall all day," said Professor McGonagall.**

**"All day. When you could have been celebrating. I must have passed a dozen feasts and parties on my way here." Professor McGonagall sniffed angrily.**

" Ummm, Professor, how do you sniff angrily?" Freed asked the said professor. Instead of getting an answer he was ignored.

**"Oh yes, everyone's celebrating, all right," she said impatiently. "You'd think they'd be a bit more careful, but no - even the Muggles have noticed something's going on. It was on their news." She jerked her head back at the Dursleys' dark living-room window. "I heard it. Flocks of owls... shooting stars... Well, they're not completely stupid. They were bound to notice something. Shooting stars down in Kent - I'll bet that was Dedalus Diggle. He never had much sense."**

**"You can't blame them," said Dumbledore gently. "We've had precious little to celebrate for eleven years."**

**"I know that," said Professor McGonagall irritably. "But that's no reason to lose our heads. People are being downright careless, out on the streets in broad daylight, not even dressed in Muggle clothes, swapping rumors."**

"We almost got exposed that day," an adult huffed.

**She threw a sharp, sideways glance at Dumbledore here, as though hoping he was going to tell her something, but he didn't, so she went on. "A fine thing it would be if, on the very day You-Know-Who seems to have disappeared at last, the Muggles found out about us all. I suppose he really has gone, Dumbledore."**

**"It certainly seems so," said Dumbledore. "We have much to be thankful for. Would you care for a lemon drop?"**

"**A **_what_?' A Slytherin asked.

**"A what."**

**"A lemon drop. They're a kind of Muggle sweet I'm rather fond of"**

**"No, thank you," said Professor McGonagall coldly, as though she didn't think this was the moment for lemon drops. "As I say, even if You-Know-Who has gone -"**

**"My dear Professor, surely a sensible person like yourself can call him by his name. All this 'You- Know-Who' nonsense - for eleven years I have been trying to persuade people to call him by his proper name: Voldemort." Professor McGonagall flinched, but Dumbledore, who was unsticking two lemon drops, seemed not to notice. "It all gets so confusing if we keep saying 'You-Know-Who.' I have never seen any reason to be frightened of saying Voldemort's name.**

**"I know you haven 't, said Professor McGonagall, sounding half exasperated, half admiring. "But you're different. Everyone knows you're the only one You-Know- oh, all right, Voldemort, was frightened of."**

**"You flatter me," said Dumbledore calmly. "Voldemort had powers I will never have."**

"Only because you're too-well- noble to use them," said Hermione.

**"Only because you're too - well - noble to use them."**

Hermione looked a little embarrassed.

**"It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs."**

"EWWW!" the trio yelled.

"**Professor McGonagall shot a sharp look at Dumbledore and said, "The owls are nothing next to the rumors that are flying around. You know what everyone's saying. About why he's disappeared. About what finally stopped him."**

**It seemed that Professor McGonagall had not reached the point she was most anxious to discuss, the real reason she had been waiting on a cold, hard wall all day, for as a cat nor as a woman had she fixed Dumbledore with such a piercing stare as she did now. It was plain that whatever "everyone" was saying, she was not going to believe it until Dumbledore told her it was true. Dumbledore, however, was choosing another lemon drop and did not answer.**

**"What they're saying," she pressed on, "is that last night Voldemort turned up in Godric's Hollow. He went to find the Potters."**

"**The rumor is that Lily and James Potter are - are - that they're - dead. " Dumbledore bowed his head. Professor McGonagall gasped.**

The trio bowed their heads in remembrance of Harry's parents.

**"Lily and James... I cannot believe it... I didn't want to believe it...Oh, Albus... **_**Harry is like the grandson I never had."**_

Harry blushed.

**Dumbledore reached out and patted her on the shoulder. "I know... I know..." he said heavily.**

**Professor McGonagall's voice trembled as she went on.**

**"That's not all. They're saying he tried to kill the Potter's son, Harry. But - he couldn't. He couldn't kill that little boy. No one knows why, or how, but they're saying that when he couldn't kill Harry Potter, Voldemort's power somehow broke - and that's why he's gone." Dumbledore nodded glumly.**

**"It's - it's true." faltered Professor McGonagall. "After all he's done... all the people he's killed... he couldn't kill a little boy. It's just astounding... of all the things to stop him... but how in the name of heaven did Harry survive."**

**"We can only guess," said Dumbledore. "We may never know." Professor McGonagall pulled out a lace handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes beneath her spectacles. Dumbledore gave a great sniff as he took a golden watch from his pocket and examined it. It was a very odd watch.**

"What is so odd about a wizarding watch?" a pureblood asked.

"Well, muggle clocks and have two hands, and they also have twelve numbers on them.

**It had twelve hands but no numbers; instead, little planets were moving around the edge. It must have made sense to Dumbledore, though, because he put it back in his pocket and said,**

**"Hagrid's late. I suppose it was he who told you I'd be here, by the way."**

**"Yes," said Professor McGonagall. "And I don't suppose you're going to tell me why you're here, of all places."**

**"I've come to bring Harry to his aunt and uncle. They're the only family he has left now."**

" Liar, liar, pants on fire!" the trio mumbled, much to the confusion of the students.

**"You don't mean - you can't mean the people who live here." cried Professor McGonagall, jumping to her feet and pointing at number four. "Dumbledore - you can't. I've been watching them all day. You couldn't find two people who are less like us. And they've got this son - I saw him kicking his mother all the way up the street, screaming for sweets. Harry Potter come and live here!"**

" Thanks for trying, Minnie," Harry whispered. 'Minnie' smiled sadly at him, but the feeling in her stomach growing worse and worse.

**"It's the best place for him," said Dumbledore firmly. "His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older. I've written them a letter."**

" You just wrote a letter?" Fred and George asked incredulously.

**"A letter." repeated Professor McGonagall faintly, sitting back down on the wall. "Really, Dumbledore, you think you can explain all this in a letter. These people will never understand him! He'll be famous - a legend - I wouldn't be surprised if today was known as Harry Potter day in the future - there will be books written about Harry - every child in our world will know his name!"**

" Hey, Gred," Fred called to his twin, over Harry's head.

" Yeah Forge?' Gred called back.

"I just had an idea for Harry's birthday present."

Harry let his head fall to the table and groaned.

**"Exactly," said Dumbledore, looking very seriously over the top of his half-moon glasses. "It would be enough to turn any boy's head. Famous before he can walk and talk! Famous for something he won't even remember! Can't you see how much better off he'll be, growing up away from all that until he's ready to take it."**

**Professor McGonagall opened her mouth, changed her mind, swallowed, and then said,**

**"Yes - yes, you're right, of course. But how is the boy getting here, Dumbledore." She eyed his cloak suddenly as though she thought he might be hiding Harry underneath it.**

" That's disturbing."

**"Hagrid's bringing him."**

**"You think it - wise - to trust Hagrid with something as important as this."**

" **I would trust Hagrid with my life," said Dumbledore.**

**"I'm not saying his heart isn't in the right place," said Professor McGonagall grudgingly, "but you can't pretend he's not careless. He does tend to - what was that."**

" What was what?"

**A low rumbling sound had broken the silence around them. It grew steadily louder as they looked up and down the street for some sign of a headlight; it swelled to a roar as they both looked up at the sky - and a huge motorcycle fell out of the air and landed on the road in front of them.**

**If the motorcycle was huge, it was nothing to the man sitting astride it. He was almost twice as tall as a normal man and at least five times as wide. He looked simply too big to be allowed, and so wild - long tangles of bushy black hair and beard hid most of his face, he had hands the size of trash can lids, and his feet in their leather boots were like baby dolphins. In his vast, muscular arms he was holding a bundle of blankets.**

"Well, that is an interesting way to describe Hagrid."

**"Hagrid," said Dumbledore, sounding relieved. "At last. And where did you get that motorcycle."**

**"Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sir," said the giant, climbing carefully off the motorcycle as he spoke. "Young Sirius Black lent it to me. I've got him, sir."**

**"No problems, were there?"**

**"No, sir - house was almost destroyed, but I got him out all right before the Muggles started swarmin' around. He fell asleep as we was flyin' over Bristol." Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall bent forward over the bundle of blankets. Inside, just visible, was a baby boy, fast asleep. Under a tuft of jet-black hair over his forehead they could see a curiously shaped cut, like a bolt of lightning.**

Harry raised his hand and touched the scar since he had had that tragic day.

**"Is that where -." whispered Professor McGonagall.**

**"Yes," said Dumbledore. "He'll have that scar forever."**

**"Couldn't you do something about it, Dumbledore?" She asked.**

**"Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground. Well - give him here, Hagrid - we'd better get this over with." Dumbledore took Harry in his arms and turned toward the Dursleys' house.**

**"Could I - could I say good-bye to him, sir." asked Hagrid. He bent his great, shaggy head over Harry and gave him what must have been a very scratchy, whiskery kiss. Then, suddenly, Hagrid let out a howl like a wounded dog.**

"How did the muggles not hear any of that?"

**"Shhh!" hissed Professor McGonagall, "you'll wake the Muggles!"**

**"S-s-sorry," sobbed Hagrid, taking out a large, spotted handkerchief and burying his face in it. "But I c-c-can't stand it - Lily an' James dead - an' poor little Harry off ter live with Muggles -"**

**"Yes, yes, it's all very sad, but get a grip on yourself, Hagrid, or we'll be found," Professor McGonagall whispered, patting Hagrid gingerly on the arm as Dumbledore stepped over the low garden wall and walked to the front door. He laid Harry gently on the doorstep, took a letter out of his cloak, tucked it inside Harry's blankets, and then came back to the other two.**

**For a full minute the three of them stood and looked at the little bundle; Hagrid's shoulders shook, Professor McGonagall blinked furiously, and the twinkling light that usually shone from Dumbledore's eyes seemed to have gone out.**

The hall looked shocked. Dumbledore without his twinkle was not good at all.

**"Well," said Dumbledore finally, "that's that. We've no business staying here. We may as well go and join the celebrations."**

**"Yeah," said Hagrid in a very muffled voice, "I'll be takin' Sirius his bike back. G'night, Professor McGonagall - Professor Dumbledore, sir." Wiping his streaming eyes on his jacket sleeve, Hagrid swung himself onto the motorcycle and kicked the engine into life; with a roar it rose into the air and off into the night.**

**"I shall see you soon, I expect, Professor McGonagall," said Dumbledore, nodding to her. Professor McGonagall blew her nose in reply.**

**Dumbledore turned and walked back down the street. On the corner he stopped and took out the silver Put-Outer. He clicked it once, and twelve balls of light sped back to their street lamps so that Privet Drive glowed suddenly orange and he could make out a tabby cat slinking around the corner at the other end of the street. He could just see the bundle of blankets on the step of number four. **_**But if he could he would be able to see emerald green eyes had snapped open to glare at him. He did not know he had just made the biggest mistake of his life.**_

There was some uneasy murmuring going around the hall. Many people turned to stare at Harry, who kept his eyes fixed on the table.

Dumbledore got an expression on his face.

**"Good luck, Harry," he murmured.**

**He turned on his heel and with a swish of his cloak, he was gone. A breeze ruffled the neat hedges of Privet Drive, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would expect astonishing things to happen.**

_**A tabby cat peeked around a corner, making sure no one was still there.**_

Dumbledore looked towards McGonagall.

_**She quickly made her way over to where the baby lay.**_

"_**Aut Mina," the baby gurgled quietly.**_

"Awww," the female population cooed. Harry blushed.

_**The tabby cat turned woman smiled and bent down to attach something to the baby's ankle.**_

Harry looked down to his ankle, where the anklet was. It was a silver and gold mixture for the chain and had all kinds of priceless jewels on charm. The jewels were shaped like animals. The emerald, for example, being shaped like a snake. He had never told anyone about this. This anklet was probably the whole reason he was alive right now.

"_**This is an ankle let, Harry. It will always give you whatever you want and need. All you need to do is ask for it. "**_

_**She put the baby down and cast a sleeping spell and warming charm on him, then disappeared into the shadows.**_

Dumbledore gave McGonagall a sharp look. She immediately knew he wanted to talk to her about this later.

**Harry Potter rolled over inside his blankets without waking up. One small hand closed on the letter beside him and he slept on, not knowing he was special, not knowing he was famous, not knowing he would be woken in a few hours' time by Mrs. Dursley's scream.**

"Not the most pleasant way to be woken up," Harry mumbled.

**as she opened the front door to put out the milk bottles, nor that he would spend the next few weeks being prodded and pinched by his cousin Dudley... He couldn't know that at this very moment, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: "To Harry Potter - the boy who lived."**

"Well, after that enlightening chapter, I say let's move on to the next. Who would like to read next?" Dumbledore asked.

"I will, Headmaster."

Everyone turned toward Snape so fast, it was surprising they didn't get whiplash.

"**Chapter Two: The Vanishing Glass and The Jewels."**

****_**Thanks to Vequine1990 ( I don't know if it's spelled right. Sorry if it's not) for betaing this a few months ago. Please Read and Review. **_


	2. Some Stuff is Revealed

Someone messaged me and said I was making Harry a clone of Fred and George. Well, the way he is acting is very important to the story, so all of ya'll will find out why he is acting like that later on in the story.

Disclaimer; I do not own Harry Potter.

Thamks to Venquine1990 for betaing this a few months ago.

**WARNINGS: ****This contains mentions of child abuse. If you do not like do not read.**

_**Harry Potter rolled over inside his blankets without waking up. One small hand closed on the letter beside him and he slept on, not knowing he was special, not knowing he was famous, and not knowing he would be woken in a few hours' time by Mrs. Dursley's scream**_

_"Not the most pleasant way to be woken up," Harry mumbled._

_**as she opened the front door to put out neither the milk bottles, nor that he would spend the next few weeks being prodded and pinched by his cousin Dudley... He couldn't know that at this very moment, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: "To Harry Potter - the boy who lived."**_

_"Well, after that enlightening chapter, I say let's move on to the next. Who would like to read next?" Dumbledore asked. "I will, Headmaster." Everyone turned toward Snape so fast, it was surprising they didn't get whiplash._

_"__**Chapter Two: The Vanishing Glass and The Jewels."**_

After getting over the shock of Snape wanting to read, everyone sat silently for two reasons. One, they wanted to know what was in the next chapter. Two, they were all scared of Snape. Snape began reading in his whispery voice that carried all around the hall.

**Nearly ten years had passed since the Dursley's had woken up to find their nephew on the front step, but Privet Drive had hardly changed at all **_**( Well, the attic, smallest bedroom, and cupboard had changed a good bit. Technically the entire house had changed, but we will get into that later.)**_

Everyone looked a little confused at that, and shot Harry some confused looks. But, Harry wasn't paying attention to them. He was staring off into space, with a smirk on his face.

**The sun rose on the same tidy front gardens and lit up the brass number four on the Dursley's' front door; it crept into their living room, which was **_**almost**_** exactly the same as it had been on the night when Mr. Dursley had seen that fateful news report about the owls. **_**(Well, it was more of an exact copy of the living room that was seen that day because of the explosion.)**_

The teachers and some of the older students exchanged alarmed looks.

**Only the photographs on the mantelpiece really showed how much time had passed. Ten years ago, there had been lots of pictures of what looked like a large pink beach ball wearing different-colored bonnets —**

Harry busted out laughing. Fred and George started snickering.

"That is exactly what I think when I see those pictures," Harry said.

**but Dudley Dursley was no longer a baby,**

Some people kind of looked shocked, after hearing that that was really supposed to describe someone. It was mainly the Hufflepuffs; because sometimes they were a little…..slow to pick up on things.

**And now the photographs showed a large blond boy riding his first bicycle, on a carousel at the fair, playing a computer game with his father, being hugged and kissed by his mother. **

Harry, Fred, and George pretended to gag. The students shot them looks clearly telling them to shut up.

**The room held no sign at all that another boy lived in the house, too.**

Many people raised their eyebrows at that. Even Snape had a shocked expression on his face. Didn't the-boy-who-kept-on-living's relatives want to flaunt their famous nephew around like a spoiled prince?

**Yet Harry Potter was still there,** _**in his magically**_

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. Harry Potter wasn't supposed to know magic even existed until Hagrid was sent to pick him up.

_**expanded attic working on a very important potion he had to have ready by nine a.m. **_

Literally, every single body turned towards Harry, except for Umbridge, she was drooling, staring off into space. Snape looked at Harry in shock. There was no way Harry Potter could make a potion.

"You, the-boy-who-can-never-make-a-potion, is making a potion at sunrise?" Snape asked incredulously.

"Well, of course, it was a very important potion. I would have literally got killed and brought back to life just to get killed again."

"Who exactly would have killed you, Mr. Potter?" Snape asked.

"No comment, Dungeon Bat."

The students snickered and Snape pulled out his wand to send a hex at Harry, who was currently whispering in Fred and George's ears.

"Now, now, Severus, there is no need for that. Go on and continue reading," Dumbledore, the ever peace keeping person in charge, told Snape.

Snape huffed and continued reading.

_**Harry read over the instructions till he got to the last step.**_

_**: Add half a cup and three teaspoons of crushed threstal skin: **_

Snape chocked.

"_Threstal skin?_ Are you out of your mind?"

"No, I am perfectly in my mind, thank you very much." Harry replied.

"You actually used a potion that required threstal skin, out of all the ingredients? What in Merlin's name were you brewing?"

"No comment," was the answering reply Snape got. He huffed and continued reading, wanting to find out what in the world Potter was using threstal skin for, but then he remembered reading something about threstal skin in a book of his.

"Mr. Potter, you do know if you don't add the exact amount at the exact time it needs to be it will kill everyone in a mile range, right?"

Everyone looked shocked at this revelation, including Dumbledore.

"Well, I'm still alive aren't I, Snape?" Harry all but spat at his potions teacher, who was really starting to get on his nerves.

Snape just took a deep breath and continued reading.

_**He checked his cup of threstal skin. Hmm, he had just enough, with a little bit of dust to spare. Harry calmly put the ingredients in his rapidly boiling caldron,**_

"ARE YOU STUPID? ARE YOU INSANE? SO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED IF AN INGREDIENT LIKE THAT GOT PUT INTO A RADPIDLY BOILING CALDROUN? AND TO THINK I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE SOME SENSE IF YOU WERE MAKING A POTION WITH THRESTAL SKIN!"

Snape shouted at the top of his lungs, making all the first years Hufflepuffs wet their pants.

Professor Sprout waved her wand, cleaning the first years up before anyone realized what they had done.

Harry just stared at his nails, waiting for the Professor to get through with his little yelling rant.

"Are you though yet?"

"Why, you little brat! One thousand points from Gryffindor!"

"It doesn't count, Severus. You cannot take points from any house or give any to any houses also." Dumbledore stated.

Snape snarled.

_**The potion, which was a bright pink color, turned to a deep blue. Perfect. **_

_**Harry wiped sweat off of his forehead. This potion was one of the most trickiest he had made in a long time. Thankful it hadn't blown up. This time.**_

"You blew up potions at the age before eleven why does that not surprise me?" Snape muttered under his breath, not catching the glare his godson gave him.

Over at the Gryffindor table, Fred and George were questioning Harry.

"What was the earliest age-"Fred began.

"That you blew up a potion?" George finished. Harry thought about that for a minute.

"I would say I first blew up a potion when I was nine years old."

"Wicked. We didn't even blow up a potion till when we were eleven, right before we went to Hogwarts." The twins said in freaky unison.

"Why does that not surprise me?"

Before the three could continue their discussion, Snape read on.

_**Now he was almost all set for the night. He just had to pick out his outfit and swipe some money out of his uncle's wallet.**_

"You stole money from your uncle!" Hermione exclaimed. Harry didn't even look at her. Dumbledore and some of the adults frowned down at Harry, not that he gave a shit.

_**Harry glanced at his watch and saw it was almost time for his family- he mentally sneered at the word family- to get up and have their residence slave cook a huge breakfast for them.**_

"What do you mean residence slave, Harry?" Hermione asked Harry. Harry, who knew that she knew not to talk to him because he had Pavarti to tell Lavender to tell Neville to tell Luna to tell Fred to tell George to tell Blaise to tell Dean to tell Seamus to tell Ron to finally tell Hermione, or the Mudblood as he had christened her in his twisted mind, that he didn't want anything to do with her or there would be consequences.

"Maybe if you shut up, you will find out, you filthy little Mudblood."

The whole student body, except for a few that knew Harry's story, gasped. Harry Potter, the icon for light, called someone a Mudblood.

"Mr. Potter, you will be serving two weeks' worth of detentions with Mr. Filch for the use of that word," Dumbledore stated.

"Well, Headmaster, I won't be serving any detentions because I believe you told Snape," Harry's lip curled a little saying his potion professor's name, "that you cannot give punishments in here." Harry smirked, knowing Dumbledore was cornered.

Dumbledore stayed silent. Harry reached down in his bag and pulled out a notepad with the words _Harry's and Dumbledore's Score Sheet._

Harry was quite proud to say Dumbledore only had one point, while he had , Snape continued reading.

_**Not that the said slave would get any.**_

The female teachers started quietly talking to each other, while the students and male teachers, except for a few, had curious looks on their face.

_**Alas, that was his life. Being lucky to even get a total of a full meal in two weeks, and getting beaten every time he did something wrong.**_

There was shocked silence. You could hear a pin drop, because George concurred one and dropped it on the floor to see what would happen.

Then the outrage started.

Over at the staff table you could hear things like,

"ALBUS PERICVAL WOLFRIC BRAIN DUMBLEDORE WHEN I GET MY HA-"

"How could he leave such a sweet boy in a terrible home?"

"Potter deserved what he got."

"Why I ought to-"(**1)**

Over at the Slytherin table they weren't that shocked because it was common knowledge in their house because of what happened between Flint and Harry in Harry's first year.

The Ravenclaw table was trying to figure out how a muggle was able to abuse one of their own family members. The Ravenclaws were always the same, trying to figure out stuff.

The Hufflepuff table was just shocked. The lower years, bless them, didn't exactly get what was going on so the older years were explaining to them what was going on through tears.

The Gryffindor table by far was the loudest in the Hall. Everyone was trying to shout questions at Harry, who was ignoring them, and when he didn't answer they all started to congregate on him. Which surrounding Harry was never a good idea unless you wanted to get yelled at and chewed out and/or beat up.

"EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

That got everyone to become silent.

"You are all acting like idiots right now. So what I got abused and neglected. Oh well. It happens to people sometimes. It is in the past and all of you people need to shut up about it, because really it has nothing to do with any of you. The people responsible are my 'family'," Harry sneered here, "and Professor Dumbledore."

Harry smirked at Dumbledore, who gave him the Dumbledore Death Stare™ for a nanosecond, before everyone turned their attention to him

All was silent, while teacher, adults, and students alike stared at one of the most worshiped person in the Wizarding World.

All you could here was a transfigured cat chasing a transfigured mouse, courtesy of the Weasley twins and Harry.

"We will talk about this later, Dumbledore," McGonagall said. Almost everyone agreed; because they wanted to continue the story to see what else Potter had hidden form everyone.

_**Harry looked at his watch.**_

'_**Damn,' he thought, 'I only have five minutes to get to my 'room' before the horse**_

"Who is the horse, Potter?" a Slytherin male asked.

"Listen and find out, Moon." The boy looked surprised that Harry knew his last name.

_**Comes and wakes me up to cook her 'darling' family breakfast.'**_

_**Harry quickly cleaned up his mess that he had made that morning and bottled his potion. When the potion was bottled he took and went down the stairs that led up to the attic. Once he was down those set of stairs he quietly pushed them back up and put Notice-Me-Not wards over it. **_

"How did you put Notice-Me-Not wards over a set of stairs that young, Mr. Potter?" asked Amelia Bones.

"Family secret," Harry replied.

_**Harry heard the horse open the bathroom door and quickly hurried **_

"Why is having to hurry?" a Ravenclaw asked her friend.

"If I knew I would tell you," her friend stated.

_**down the set of stairs that led downstairs. Not a moment too soon he opened the door to his 'room', hid his potion under his 'bed' and quickly pretended to fall asleep.**_

"I can fake sleep really good, can't I, George?" Harry told George. George and Fred realized what Harry was talking about and Fred turned red.

"Hey, I thought that we agreed never to speak of _that_ again?" Fred yelled, catching the attention of the Great Hall, but Harry and George were too busy laughing.

"Can I continue now?" Snape asked. Harry, Fred, and George were surprised Snape wasn't spitting fire at all the interruptions so far.

"Of course," the three said. Everyone was still curious about what the three, well two, were laughing about.

_**Moments later, the door of his cupboard**_,

"Cupboard?" Professor McGonagall scandalized.

"Yep, until I discovered I was a wizard, I grew up as cupboard as my room," Harry said.

Dumbledore got the McGonagall Death Stare™. He cringed, knowing he was in for it later.

The twins and Harry were impressed that Dumbledore managed to get _that _glare out of her. Even though they had just started pranking her at the beginning of the school year, they hadn't been able to get that glare out of her. Yet, anyways.

_**And Petunia, or the horse **_

"So that is who the horse is," the Slytherin who had asked Harry the question earlier said. HE got some glares from his classmates in his house.

_**As he liked to call her, poked her head in, grabbed him by his hair**_

McGonagall went wide-eyed, along with quite a few other people.

_**Pulled him out of his cupboard, and said in her nastiest voice, (this didn't have any effect on Harry,) **_

"_**Go make my normal family a big breakfast with all the stuff I have laid out, and have it done in thirty minutes, or I will tell Vernon."**_

Harry snorted.

_**When Harry entered the kitchen, his jaw dropped.**_

"You will catch flies that way, little brother," Fred and George said together.

Harry glared at them.

_**Sitting on the kitchen island**_

"Island?" asked a pureblooded Hufflepuff, "I thought that was a piece of land surrounded by water."

People stared at him and he shifted uncomfortably.

"Told you Hufflepuff was full of duffers," a Slytherin said to her friend, who nodded in agreement.

Hermione was about to explain what a kitchen island was, but the muggle studies teacher answered the student instead. She glared at the teacher, not that the said teacher cared.

"A kitchen island is basically a counter space in the middle of a kitchen. It is not part of the counters around the wall."

The pureblood nodded his head.

_**Was four packs of the biggest things of bacon Harry had ever seen, two loaves of bread, two packs of butter to butter the bread with, twenty-four eggs, a box of pancake mix that was the biggest you could buy, waffle mix (though he was a little confused on the waffle mix. If you had pancakes why would you want waffles?), and finally what looked like a whole pigs worth of sausage. **_

"That is what they ate for breakfast?" one of the adults exclaimed.

"Well, think of it this way, it is how much Ronald eats in one day that equals how much my uncle and cousin eat for one meal," Harry said.

The students who had saw how Ron Weasley ate, chocked on nothing but air.

"Are you serious, Potter?" One of the seventh year Slytherins asked.

"No, I am not Sirius that is my godfather."

Fred and George groaned.

"Harry-" "You really-" "Really need to-" "Stop with the-" "Sirius jokes!"

Harry smiled while others looked on curiously, except for two men, one of which was trying to control his expression, and the other who just sneered.

_**And he was expected to have this done in fifteen minutes?**_

"Fifteen minutes?" exclaimed Professor Sprout, "How in the world did you get it done in fifteen minutes, when something like that would take over an hour to cook?"

"Magic," Harry answered.

_**Why did he always get stuck with the crazies?**_

There was some laughter throughout the room.

_**Harry set to work, wondering what the special occasion was. He peeked his head into the dining room and found his answer.**_

_**In the dining room were piles of presents. The only spot that didn't have any presents was where a place plates could be set and his 'family'- Harry mentally sneered at the word family- could sit down.**_

"Why are there so many presents?" was the question that was asked throughout the hall. Nobody except for three people knew the answer to the question.

Snape thought, 'Must be Potter's birthday, getting pampered is the only thing he knows at that house.' He didn't realize that just a few minutes ago that he was actually sympathizing with Harry, because he knew how it was to get beat and starved. (**Sound suspicious anyone?)**

_**He groaned mentally. Today was Dudley's birthday.**_

The real Harry groaned too, muttering something to Fred and George, who looked a tiny bit scary, with the look on their face.

**How could he have forgotten?**

"Yeah, Harry how you could have-"Fred said, beginning the sentence. "Forget your wonderful cousin's birthday?" George finished.

Harry growled and waved his hand, earning some yelps from Fred and George. They glared at Harry, who glared right back.

_**Today was not going to be a good day. Hopefully it would be a good night though. He smiled as he thought about what he and his…. Friends had planned for the night.**_

Some people looked curiously at Harry. Why was he so hesitant to call them his friends?

_**With that thought, he went back in the kitchen to start cooking. Maybe he would even burn it, just for the hell of it.**_

"HARRY! That wouldn't be very nice," Hermione exclaimed.

The dull chatter that had been in the Hall came to a stop. Everyone wanted to hear what Harry was going to say to Hermione, since he did call her a Mudblood.

"If you haven't figured it out yet, Granger, I will go ahead and tell you. I am not a very nice person. Oh and here's a little gift." Harry waved his wand and letters appeared tattooed across Hermione's forehead.

'I AM A MUDBLOOD AND PROUD OF IT'

Hermione burst into to tears when she caught sight of her reflection in a spoon, while the Hall sat in stunned silence. Ron was getting ready to say something, but the Headmaster said something before he had a chance to say something to Harry.

"Mr. Potter, that was entirely uncalled for. One hundred points-"

"Actually, Professor, you cannot take points at all nor assign detentions. I told you that earlier, but a apparently you _never_ listen."

Dumbledore settled for turning to McGonagall, and start whispering to her furiously, not knowing Harry could hear him.

"You can start reading again, Professor Snape," Harry called out to the said Professor.

_**Harry smirked and did just that. Fifteen minutes later Petunia, or the horse, entered the kitchen with a smug look on her face.**_ _**When she saw perfectly cooked food**_

"Perfectly cooked? I thought he said he burned it?" a second year Gryffindor told her friend. Her friend just shrugged and shushed her.

_**Sitting on the dining room table, the look slid off her face faster than you could say "Country Hip Hop".**_

There was some giggling throughout the room. Those were also some confused whispers, but those were quickly told what exactly "Country Hip Hop" was.

"_**Vernon!" the horse screeched, "Come quickly, the boy is doing his freakish stuff again!"**_

_**There were two sets of heavy footsteps that came running down the stairs. One of those sets belonged to Vernon, or the whale, and the other set belonged to Dudley or the pig or whale Jr.**_

There were some laughs from the students while Dumbledore and some of the other teachers just looked at Harry disapprovingly.

"_**WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW, BOY?" Vernon shouted at Harry, getting up in his face.**_

There was some murmuring throughout the hall about how that was child abuse.

_**Harry slowly wiped spit off of his face. **_

'EWWW!" Some of the girls and boys said. It was quite gross to everyone else they just didn't voice it.

_**And then looked at his hand shuddering. **_

"I would too," an older Hufflepuff said.

_**Then he went to the sink to wash his hand for two reasons. One: to take and piss off Vernon. **_

The Slytherins laughed.

_**Two: whoever thought he was going to leave spit on his hand needs to go to a mind healer.**_

Again there were some murmurings of agreement throughout the hall.

_**He slowly washed his hand, using a lot of the expensive soap his aunt had imported from Puerto Rico. **_

The Slytherins again laughed. Why did Harry Potter not get put in their house? He would have been a good source of entertainment.

_**Out of the corner of his eye he could see Vernon getting angrier by the second.**_

"He looks funny when he gets angry, doesn't he?" Harry quietly asked Fred and George. They nodded their heads.

_**Harry smirked then turned to face Vernon. Petunia and Dudley were watching silently in the background, remembering what happened last time Vernon pissed off Harry.**_

That had everyone wondering what had happened.

"_**What have I told you about spitting in my face, you old fat whale? **_

Fred and George laughed so hard they fell out of their seats. There was some other laughter too, but nobody could hear it because of Fred and George.

_**You want to get mad at me for cooking you breakfast? You are one of the most stupid people in the world! You want to keep threating me and screaming at me? If you don't stop form here on out, I will take that folder- yes, that folder- to the police and have your fat ass put in prison. If you don't think I won't go ahead and try me you son of a bitch."**_

There was some silence.

"What is exactly the _folder_?" Amelia Bones asked.

"It is a folder with a record of every single thing the Dursley's have done to me since I have been there, it also has some pictures in it too," Harry answered. Amelia knew she would have to see this folder later.

_**Vernon sat there like a gaping fish.**_

"_**Now see here, boy, I will not stand for this to go on in my ow-"Vernon was cut off by Harry.**_

"Well that's rude," Hermione said to Ron, who nodded in agreement.

"_**You won't stand for it? You won't stand for it? No, you listen here and listen well. You will stop treating me like trash. I am sick and tired of all three of our asses and I am not afraid to get you thrown in prison. If you don't start treating me right, that folder will find itself on the sheriff's desk tomorrow morning do I make myself clear?"**_

"Hey, Forge?"

"Yea, Gred?"

"Do you think someone is just mad?"

"Why no, Forge, I think someone is pissed off."

"Shut up," Harry muttered.

_**Magic crackled around Harry as he spoke**_

The adults leaned forward; knowing that to have visible magic around you when you spoke was a sign that you were very powerful. Even Dumbledore didn't have visible magic and he was considered the most powerful wizard alive. For a child, at ten years old to be able to have visible magic, well that was nothing ever seen before.

_**Giving him the allusion that he was glowing. His eyes glowed bright red for a second,**_

Dumbledore didn't like that. It was one of the many signs Harry was going dark.

_**Then returned to its normal glowing green.**_

Many people turned to see if Harry's eyes were glowing, but he had his head in his arms.

"_**U...Under…stood," Vernon stuttered out. He didn't want to give his nephew an excuse to hurt him or his family.**_

"_**Good," Harry sneered. "Now eat your breakfast."**_

'Who does Potter think he is?' Snape thought, 'Giving orders to people three times his age.'

_**Nobody in the room moved.**_

"_**Now," Harry barked.**_

"We will be taking a two minute break, so people can use the restrooms and get refreshments, and continue reading when the two minutes are up," Dumbledore announced.

Everyone sighed with relief. Their necks and back had hurt from sitting still and not getting up so for so long. Everyone got up and started stretching while talking to their friends. Some of the conversations were things that didn't matter to the book they just read like, for an example,

"Did you hear about the new hair crème that Chelsea Kijo put on the market?'

"Yes, I did. It is supposed to take all the frizz in your hair away with a pea sized drop."

Others, however, were related to the books. Some were talking about the horrible life Harry had lived, while others were wondering what was going to happen next. There were some conversations that were taking place between the Anti-Potter groups at three of the house tables.

The smart Hufflepuffs (yes, there is actually some smart Hufflepuffs.) formed their group in their house to take and get revenge on Harry. They didn't believe Voldermort that was back. They thought Harry had killed Cedric so he could have all the glory to himself.

"He is trying to get attention," one of them said.

"He probably wrote those books just to get more pity," another one muttered.

"So, when are we going to execute plan KHPSTWCLA?" **(2)**

"As soon as this book reading is over."

The dumb Ravenclaws (I know, shocking. I didn't know until now that there was dumb Ravenclaws.) formed their group because they thought it was an insult to their house that Harry didn't try harder in the tournament. Like I said they were the dumb. Their plan was basically the same as the Hufflepuffs.

The Gryffindor group, they were the part that slandered the Potter name. They were supposed to make Harry look really bad in front of everyone.

What these three groups didn't know is that Harry, Fred and George knew exactly what they were up to at all times.

The Slytherin tables sat at their table, not getting up, quietly talking to the associates. They were just wondering when could act like Harry and the twins were actually in league with them.

The staff table was conversing on how Harry didn't deserve any of what he had to put up with. Poppy, Minerva, and a few others of the female teachers were talking about what they could do to get revenge on Dumbledore. They quickly came up with a plan they would use later.

The male teachers, who didn't really know how to express emotions, took and watched the students; making sure no fights broke out between them.

Fred, Harry, and George were talking behind a silencing bubble so that no one could hear them. But the looks on their faces were enough to scare many of the students.

The two minutes seemed to pass in a blink of an eye, and before everyone could turn around good, they were getting ready to read the next part of the chapter.

**A/N. This chapter was going to be a really long one so I decided to do it in two parts so I wouldn't hurry though it.**

** you guess who said what?**

** you guess what that stands for?**


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